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Retarded Tour of the Web 5/7

jerome — Wed, 07 May 2008 23:42:49 +0000

Retarded tour of the web complete with retarded commentary.

Gas prices next summer, or with me screwing around with local gas station (probably both).

On the minus side the naughty maids I found on Craig’s List looked like this, on the plus side they had reasonable rates and really cleaned behind everything they could squeeze into.

Somehow I thought Japanese bondage was going to be more exciting, but in real life things are normally not as good as advertised.

I’m in love, she can do the laundry, stretch like this, and is hot – she can have my house.

Rainbows have a short shelf life and wind up just filling up landfills pretty quickly.

Mommy where do little trucks come from?

Richard from move the markets is into whoring himself online, music and illegal firearms.

My new tennis teacher is pretty weird but he did really improve my backhand.

Ninjas never see the mantraps coming.

Paris Hilton gave her new dog hepatitis.

The professor from Futurama pictured on the freeway driving home from a long day of filming.

Not all seniors want to live forever, some live life on the edge – we salute you adventure senior.

I’ve never envied a road pylon before…

True, but at least her husband didn’t leave her for some black guy.

Things are really, really weird at George Lucas’ ranch.

WIth a guy doing this it would just look weird, sadly with a hot girl my man brain really likes this picture.

The Air Force is facing some real budget cutbacks and won’t be able to replace all of their F-15′s with comparable equipment.

Tank driver saw one too many hippy bumper stickers.

Still more realistic than the teddy bears attacking from Return of the Jedi.

She had a great personality even back then, Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne photographed in 1974.

Nothing funny about this picture aside from how badly I wish I was there.

Doggies favorite chew toy, still won’t recoup the millions the Falcons lost on Vick.

Christina Aguilera is just a puppet for the record industry, literally – some fat chick named Roberta actually sings all of her stuff and you can’t even see her lips move.

Christina’s hair attacked by blender

Michael — Mon, 05 Nov 2007 16:22:23 +0000

When you think of Christina Aguilera, you probably don’t imagine a hot chick with crazy hair (do you even even imagine what her hair looks like, you furry). This photoshoot could be hotter if her hair wasn’t as crazy as my brother in the looney bin and if she wore less clothes. Nude Aguilera would be nice to see.

Download high resolution pictures of Christina Aguilera

Christina Aguilera from when she was still cute

Michael — Thu, 01 Nov 2007 14:34:42 +0000

If you have the opportunity to see Christina Aguilera in person, let her know that I would make love with her for the most miserable 25 seconds of her life.

Download high resolution pictures of Christina Aguilera

Dannii Minogue, Australian for Christina Aguilera

Michael — Wed, 03 Oct 2007 22:12:21 +0000

While surfing the web I found pictures of Dannii Minogue. Now, I have nothing better to do than spend my days drinking coffee at Starbucks and using the public library computers for free, but finding pictures of someone that I have never heard of that doesn’t seem to show much of her body in pictures seems like a waste. Next.

Download high resolution pictures of Dannii Minogue

Elisha Cuthbert isn’t pregnant, maybe

Michael — Mon, 13 Aug 2007 06:15:24 +0000

Since so many celebrities are pregnant these days (Jennifer Garner, Nicole Richie, Christina Aguilera, Demi Moore, and John Travolta) I thought it would be nice to see a non-stomach-bulging celebrity, we love Elisha Cuthbert.

Christina Aguilera wants me.. bad!

Michael — Thu, 09 Aug 2007 22:07:20 +0000

Some call her Christina Aguilera. Some call her Xtina. Some people never call her. Other people call her all the time and get restraining orders against them. That’s alright though, I can still yell at her from 500 yards away.

Christina Aguilera Looking Wholesome

Michael — Tue, 17 Jul 2007 20:11:23 +0000

Christina Aguilera seems to have more different looks than any other female celebrity in history. She could probably out act Groucho Marx without sound too.

Christina Aguilera Is Naughty

Michael — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 14:06:41 +0000

I’m pretty sure that God is confused looking at these pictures.
(btw: if you want the high res photos for download, just leave a comment letting me know)

Christina Aguilera Is Cool

Michael — Sun, 08 Jul 2007 19:12:32 +0000

I mean, she’s hot, but she’s in the water here, so she’s cool. Never mind, just look at the pictures.

Christina Aguilera

Michael — Sat, 07 Jul 2007 14:39:14 +0000

She can be slutty, naughty, wholesome, sweet, beautiful, trashy, etc… everything but mine. She can’t be mine. Nope. Sorry Xtina, I’m saving myself for Jess Biel.